No Post Next Week

I will not be posting next week. My birthday is Wednesday and my present from Music Man is a couple of days away from home. Given our limited space, that's probably the most thoughtful gift he could give me.

Otherwise not much is going on around here. It's been quiet.

Music Man and I have been studying. Miss Goofy has been been working.

We did have a doctor's appointment for Music Man for his knee. The doctor needs an MRI before anything more can be done. So we're in a holding pattern there. Though he did seem concerned by how sore it is.

Well, hopefully I'll have more to post week after next.

Have a great week!

Heroism

When I was a little girl, my daddy was my hero. He was big and strong and I knew he would protect me from the world.

As I got older, my mom was my hero. She didn't have the physical strength of my father, but her mental fortitude was impressive. 

In the face of tragedy and abject grief, my grandmother became my hero. How that woman survived losing two children, her husband, her dream retirement home, and still laughed and smiled at me...well, I hope to have her strength.

This morning, I had the realization that I have a hero who I've been married to for nearly 18 years. I've called him that before but this morning it really hit me hard. 

Memories are funny things. They pop us when you least expect them and frequently it's something you didn't realize you needed to remember.

More than 10 years ago, my husband worked for a facility that cared for people with brain injuries. They were supposed to be rehabilitating them so they could rejoin society and live on their own. That was the selling point for the job. Once he started there, he discovered a whole other aspect of the place. It was a rehab for drug addicts. 

I'd like to take a moment here to say, if someone is on drugs and sincerely wants help, I have no issue with a facility that helps them. Those who are in such a place because of a court order, I have an issue with because they are dangerous to the rest of the residents and the staff.

Back to my story. Most of the people there as a drug rehab were not there because they chose to get help and frankly, I think it was the wrong type of facility for that. If they were there for an injury and a drug issue it usually meant they were injured at work and this was the company's way of treating the worker so they couldn't sue. 

Because of the drug rehab nature of the facility, you had people there who had a brain injury who didn't want to be there cause of the drug aspect. We didn't know any of that when Music Man started working there. Once we did, we decided to make it work until he could find another job.

Music Man is not a small man. So when the larger male clients would get out of control, Music Man was one of the people expected to respond. One particular day, one of the fellow RA's (Rehabilitation Assistant) came to the apartment my husband was working in and explained their client was out of control and could he come help. Music Man agreed and told the girl to go get a supervisor. He knew the client had a reputation for needing to be taken down and restrained. 

My husband went into the apartment. The client had already knocked his RA to the ground. She didn't weigh 100 pounds and was maybe 5 feet tall. She was more like a child than adult in size. The client had pulled his fist back and was ready to punch her in the top of the skull, more than likely killing her, at the very least making her a patient of the facility, except the employees didn't have insurance good enough to cover the expense of that place.

Music Man managed to distract the client, his fellow RA was able to get away, and in the ensuing scuffle, Music Man was hit in the head. He was hurt. Suffered a mild-moderate concussion and rather than praise him for saving his co-worker, the facility tried to say he wasn't hurt. He was sent to one of their doctors who said he had an inner ear infection, however he didn't prescribe him any antibiotics for the infection. A second doctor looked in his ear and said, "You have the cleanest ears I've ever seen. There's no sign of infection."

Ultimately, we hired an attorney and eventually the company settled. Still trying to say basically it was my husband's fault. He was a hero to the company for saving his co-worker, a hero for not costing them the payout for a wrongful death suit, a hero to the girl and her family, yet they made a villain of him. 

Let me back up a little further so I can explain why this story is important to me today. 

Before Music Man and I ever met, I was living with my boyfriend, his sister, and his sister's partner, in Fresno. We lived in a condo and had neighbors on either side of us. It was a cute little two bedroom two bathroom place and while some issues with it were annoying, it was perfect for the time and situation. 

We also had a small yard in the back that was completely unreachable except through the sliding glass door in my bedroom and the window in my sister-in-law's room. So we felt safe leaving the door and window open 95%  of the time, closing them only when it was too cold. 

Our neighbors on one side moved out and a young couple, a little older than the four of us moved in. They had a small son. Since I don't remember their last name, didn't keep in touch after I moved, and highly doubt they would ever read this blog, I will use their real names. The woman was Devon and while she was bit over the top, she and I got along pretty well. We went to Overeaters Anonymous together a couple of times, we'd chat in the driveway, they even invited us to their parties. 

Her husband was Todd and he would jump from job to job. He'd be with one company for a few months then move to another, then move again in a few months. I think he worked for three or four companies in the short time I lived next door to them. Devon always had an excuse for him. That sent up a red flag but I ignored it.

Their son, Austin, was adorable. But seldom outside. And he was basically a perfect child in that we never heard him. Yet another red flag that I ignored.

I remember thinking, even though Todd jumped around the job market, they had a pretty good life. They had lots of friends, Todd made good money, and their cars weren't in a near constant state of repair. I wasn't jealous exactly, just looking forward to a future like theirs.

And then came the night where my entire perspective changed.

My boyfriend had gone to bed, his sister, her partner and I were in the living room. Watching television or playing video games, something or another, when we heard my boyfriend start yelling in a panic, "I'm coming, I'm coming, where are you?" Followed by our bedroom door opening then slamming, him running into his sister's room, yelling "Where are you?" then running back to our room. 

I jumped up and followed him, getting into the bedroom just after him. He was standing at the sliding glass door when I walked in, then he stepped back slightly. It was a subtle movement but significant. When I got to the slider I saw our next door neighbor. Her purse was in our yard, where she'd thrown it, along with I wanna say a shirt. I saw her face for an instant and then she was gone. She had been crying and her eye was swollen. 

She came over later that night to get her stuff. She was embarrassed because she'd tried to climb over the fence to get help. I was in shock and horrified we hadn't helped her. I don't know what anyone else in the house thought. 

We talked to her a little and tried to comfort her. I have no idea how successful we were. I stayed away from her after that, mainly cause I was scared of her husband. I saw her black eye. I saw her busted lip. I saw the finger marks on her throat. 

I hope she got out before he killed her. I hope she got her adorable three year old to safety and prevented him from growing up like Todd. I doubt it though. She didn't know where to turn and sadly our house failed her that night. 

My ex was a coward. All he had to do was go outside and help her over the fence. We could have locked the doors and called the police. Devon and Austin would have been safe. It would have been scary but it would have helped her. At least let her know someone cared.

Music Man, bless him, went charging into a situation. He didn't care if he got hurt, he was doing the right thing. Someone needed his help and he was going to help. End of story. 

In the aftermath and chaos of Music Man's injury, I got angry with him for risking himself. I was angry with the company for saying he'd done wrong. I was angry with their lack of concern for his health. I was angry that he was hurt. 

I told him he'd been wrong and he shouldn't have helped her. We've argued over it many times in the interim. I made him apologize to me for going in that apartment because if something had happened, what would have become of our daughter and myself. 

This morning, I remembered my ex's cowardice. I remembered Music Man's bravery. I remembered my ex always ran from things instead of facing them. I remembered Music Man nagging me to talk to him even when I didn't want to. I realized at the end of the day, I couldn't deal with my ex running from everything and being a coward. That was why we split up.

Music Man, I'm sorry for being so angry for so long. You are a hero. You knew the danger. You went in anyway. And I love you for it.

For all the men and women who see something happening and go charging in to help, thank you. For those that turn the other way, stay out of the way, the heroes are coming.

Coughing and Retirement

Miss Goofy gave Music Man and I the plague. At least that's how it felt for a day or so. We haven't been coughing nearly as much as she has.

Except for tonight when I am hacking up a lung. Possibly cause I knew I needed to try and get my steps in before it got dark outside. I did it though. 5000 steps. I'm exhausted.

The Grumpy Old Man retired on April 1st. I swear that's not an April Fool's Day joke. He's actually been pretty cheerful for 90% of the time. We're going to hope it stays that way.

Next week is Music Man's doctor's appointment with a new doctor. Hopefully one that won't just prescribe pain pills.

Off to shower, before dinner!

Have a great week!