Saturday, June 28, 2008

An Explanation of Nora

Nora told me last night that I need to explain about her. I ignored her and went to bed. This morning she told me I need to explain about her. Again I ignored her and made breakfast. After breakfast she told me I need to explain about her. I asked if she just needed some attention. She said, "Yes. Now go explain about me." I ignored her and finished cleaning the sink. I don't know where she got the shotgun, but I am now sitting here hoping she can't read very well. (Just kidding about the shotgun.)

So without further ado, may I present:

The Creation of Nora- A Tragedy, I mean a Comedy, I mean, well you'll see.

About 4 years ago I took a job as the manager of a flower shop. I had no floral experience but I did have office and accounting experience and we had 2 floral designers. Truthfully, I was hired to be the manager, then it was the assistant manager, finally I was the accounts manager. What I actually was was the office manager and errand runner for a woman who was only slightly less psycho than her father. Her father actually owned the shop but due to several illnesses and poor decisions he was semi-retired and she had been running the shop. She was on her way to a state university to attend a Master's degree program. So, I had been working there for 2 months when I discovered drug paraphernalia in one of the desks in the office. Realizing that I didn't want to expose my daughter to this world I began to rethink this job. Two weeks later when I realized I wasn't going to be able to meet payroll without a miracle, I knew I needed to leave. I liked the floral designers but I couldn't take this anymore. The daughter would call with weird requests, her dad would come in over night and move stuff all around, he'd take checks out of the checkbook at random, he took money out of the business savings account and never tell me he had done any of it. Money would just be gone. I finally had enough. I called Music Man, who was working just down the street, and told him everything. He told me to leave. I explained I needed to finish the billing I was doing and would leave as soon as I was done. He said okay, he'd be down in a bit to check on me and to call if I had a problem. I was not to be there when the owner got there. He was worried about my safety. Miss Goofy was visiting my mom.

Music Man was good to his word. About 30 minutes after I talked to him he brought me this:


He told me she was to comfort me while I was there and scared. He also told me to get the hell out of there asap. Nora didn't have a name yet. She did snuggle me a lot and made me feel much better.

I finished up and left as quickly as I could. Fast forward a few days I went to pick up Music Man at work with Miss Goofy. She and I were deciding what to name my lion, who already went nearly everywhere with me. I had no idea what to name her. Miss Goofy wanted to name her Lenny and then con Music Man into buying another one to name Carl (Thank you Matt Groening). She said "Either Lenny or Lenora." I said "then her name is Lenora, cause we're not conning your dad into buying another lion." (Your welcome, Music Man)

I hadn't really thought about the fact that the lion was obviously a male lion. So, I would tease Miss Goofy with Lenora and make up a voice for her and everything. Originally, Music Man and I both did her voice. We had a lot of fun playing with Miss Goofy and pretending that Lenora was going to eat Miss Goofy's pretend llamas. (Don't ask.) Lenora eventually joined Llamas Anonymous and discovered that "Llamas are friends, not food". (And we can thank Disney/Pixar for that one.)

Eventually Lenora's true personality came out, as well as her nickname of Nora. Given the fact that I can't seem to get the attitude for her right, Music Man now does her voice. He also does the voice of Pepito (Pito), Nora's best friend and partner in crime and also a llama. (I told you she reformed) I however, do the voice of Elsie, Pito's elephant. Well, she started as Pito's and was very quiet and shy. Then she hung out with Nora. Now she's neither quiet nor shy.

I'm writing a children's book with Nora and all of her friends, seeing as I now have two small laundry baskets full of them. I have toned Nora down in the book though, I object to that much swearing in children's books.

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